Monday, October 24, 2016

The Dilatory Tooth Fairy


I've written before about how we don't really do Santa Claus at our house.  Heck, for the first four years of Kai's life we barely celebrated Christmas.  We didn't get a tree.  We didn't really do presents.  She didn't notice -- and we still did plenty together as a family over the holiday period (camping, Timberline, visiting family, spending time together). 

We also don't celebrate Easter.  There's no Easter Bunny at our house. 

But, somehow, the Tooth Fairy is a thing. I'm not really sure how that happened. I think with the other holidays, we were more in control.  We just didn't really do the traditional thing so the thing we did was what became normal.  But, Kai was not the first among her schoolmates to lose a tooth.  Not even close.  She has many friends who were visited by the Tooth Fairy and was eagerly anticipating her turn.  So, the Tooth Fairy gained prominence in her mind before we had a chance to come up with our alternative. 

Anyway, Kai has lost about 8 teeth now (I think -- I'm really not sure.  I don't like teeth once they have fallen out of someone's mouth!)  Anyway, for the first 6 teeth, we were on it.  She'd leave the tooth under her pillow.  Then the Tooth Fairy would take the tooth away and leave her a silver dollar.  Then we ran out of silver dollars.  And we had a big lag between teeth falling out. 

Anyway... Kai has recently lost two more teeth -- in the same week but on different days.  With the first tooth, she left it under her pillow and woke up in the morning to find the tooth was still there.  She was crestfallen but concocted a story, with the help of Eric, that the tooth was so small and had gotten knocked out of the bed and so the Tooth Fairy couldn't find it.  I told her to put it in an envelope and write the Tooth Fairy a note so that she'd be sure to locate it the following night.  And, I put a reminder in my calendar to make sure the lazy little fairy did her job.  That night, all went well and Kai was thrilled with the $2 she found under her pillow the next morning.

Fast forward a couple of days and in the morning -- really, at the crack of dawn -- Kai comes bounding into our bedroom declaring that she lost another tooth.  I was barely awake but told Kai that was awesome.  She hollered something about going downstairs to write the Tooth Fairy a note and make an envelope so the Tooth Fairy would be sure to come the next night.  The next night that wasn't going to start for another 15 hours.  I thought to myself that I should probably create a calendar reminder since 15 hours is a long time to forget something, and then rolled over and went back to sleep for another half-hour until Alden woke up with a fever, throwing the day for a bit of a loop.

The next morning, Kai woke up distraught yelling -- "the TOOTH FAIRY DID NOT COME."  Crap.  I kicked myself for forgetting AGAIN and also cursed whoever it was that made ME the tooth fairy!   I went downstairs to shower and, before hopping in the shower, ransacked Kai's art desk locating a piece of paper and a felt tip marker in order to write a quick note from the Tooth Fairy.  Then, I scrounged up $2 in quarters since we were out of dollar bills.  When I got back upstairs, the envelope tucked under my towel, Kai was in our bedroom complaining to Eric about the Tooth Fairy.  Perfect!  I snuck into her bedroom, grabbed the envelope with the tooth, crammed the enveloped with the quarters under the pillow in its place, and walked back into our room without being noticed.

"MOMMY!!" Kai yelled as soon as she spotted me.  "The Tooth Fairy did not come... AGAIN!  Come see!" 
 
I followed her into her room and she yanked away the pillow with an annoyed flair and then stopped in her tracks. "WHA?!  Mommy!  Look!!!  She must have just been here."

And, indeed, the note said, "Kailey -- I'm so sorry this is late.  I had a crazy night.  Thanks for the tooth!  Love, the Tooth Fairy"

Kai was so excited.  The Tooth Fairy's sub-par performance was immediately forgiven. 

I walked back into our bedroom, glad to have averted another Tooth Fairy meltdown of a morning, and Eric said to me, "what we are observing is why religion continues to exist." 

Truth. 

Also, our Tooth Fairy sucks.

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