Top Ten Reasons Bring Your Daughter to Work Day Was Not Intended for 8-Month Olds:
10. Listening to bababababababababa and legal research are mutually exclusive activities.
9. The "laptop" you bought the baby keeps repeating "let's go home"... making you wonder whether your child is a genius and has figured out how to communicate with you through the new plastic piece of crap that you bought in hopes of keeping your own laptop in one piece.
8. Your participation in a conference call amounts to "yeah" "yeah" "yeah" while trying to distract the baby from the power cords, until one of the other callers says, "that is as long as Angie agrees with my definition of time period." Busted.
7. Spit up and work clothes do not mix.
6. Spit up and your colleagues' work clothes mix even less well.
5. Spit up and legal briefs and other original documents mix the least well.
4. You spend your day researching whether poinsettia leaves are poisonous rather than doing your actual work (after the baby got hold of the poinsettia plant and began munching on it when you turned your back for two minutes)... bonus: not poisonous!
3. There is no good place to bathe the baby at work after she manages to grab hold of the poopy diaper that you just removed from her body and smear it all over her legs and hands.
2. No judge will accept "my baby ate my research" as a valid reason for missing a deadline, no matter how true it is.
1. You're going to have to make up the hours anyway because no one really thinks you're doing any work when you have your 8-month old at the office with you.